Front Porch FootballFans We Can All Hate…
by Chris Paschal
Hate is a strong word. Many of us were raised to never hate anything. The Bible tells us that hatred and bitterness can literally ruin us through poisoning our hearts and minds. But, we are all human. And if my hatred for almond milk and kale destroys me from the inside out, then so be it.
Let’s be real, hatred can exist amongst rivals. Growing up the son of a West Pointer, I can tell you, without hesitation, that I hated Navy growing up. For fourteen straight years Navy beat Army. It was horrific. Every year, the week leading up to the game caused teenage Chris great anxiety. And you know what the sad thing was? The anguish and pain I endured every time Army lost to Navy far outweighed the happiness I felt when Army won in 2016. I almost had that feeling of “this is it”? Don’t get me wrong, I was happy, but beating Navy was a feeling that lasted an hour, maybe 24 hours. Losing to Navy wrecked me for weeks, months, heck, the entire year.
So SEC fans, here are the College Football Programs that do that to us. Some because they win, some because of how obnoxious their fans are, and some because their very existence annoys the crap out of us.
Fans We Can All Hate
3. Southern Cal
I mostly hate Southern Cal for this song. They play it after every. single. play. If you didn’t hate the Trojans before the game started, you will definitely hate them by the end of the first quarter.
2. Oklahoma
Most people think that NASCAR has to be the most redneck thing American do. A bunch of drunk people sitting in the broiling sun watching cars circle around a track hundreds of times sounds pretty dang redneck. Well I can tell you this, I have watched a decent amount of NASCAR races and a decent amount of Oklahoma Sooner sporting events and I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt, Oklahoma fans are more redneck than NASCAR fans.
RUF/NEKS
The reason Oklahoma fans are hated is simple; the RUF/NEKS. Their “spirit squad” is called the RUF/NEKS, in honor of the correctly spelled and hard working Oklahomans commonly referred to as roughnecks. The RUF/NEKS do some crazy, off the wall stuff. The list includes, but is not limited to: tipping over their wagon (called the Schooner) because they were driving it too fast, knocking over former head coach (HEAD COACH!) Bob Stoops multiple times when running onto the field, vandalizing property, and being banned from football games in 2007 because they drank too much and hazed new members.
They fire fake guns off during games; they have driven opposing team’s players to the point of physically assaulting them; and they have been described by writers, fans, and administrators as an unruly and unsavory group. Of course they are not all vile, obnoxious, mullet-donning rednecks. In fact, the one Oklahoma fan I know is an exceptionally nice and well-behaved guy, but those Sooners are not as fun to talk about or hate as the repulsive Sooner RUF/NEKers are.
It doesn’t help that they compete with the best of the best in the SEC. Rednecks are funny when they are irrelevant, but when they are beating Alabama, Auburn, and Tennessee, they become more annoying and less affable.
1. Ohio State
Some SEC fans would argue that the entire Big 10 should be hated. I disagree. Much of the Big 10 is like the SEC. They are hardworking, patriotic Americans that love college football. And I don’t really buy the “this stems back to the Civil War” argument. Maybe that worked in the 1920s when players had grandfathers talking about those damn yankees or those damn rebs, but today most arguments stem over you vs. y’all. The Big 10 should not be hated.
That being said, if I found out today that North Korea and Ohio State had waged war on each other, I would have a tough decision on who I would root for. Ohio State is the worst. To start with, they’re arrogant. What’s this “The Ohio State University” crap about? I would get it if they said it like normal people. But the way they emphasize “THE” just ticks me off. Then there was the Urban Meyer stuff. He left Florida and the SEC for Ohio State and the Big Ten. That was the worst betrayal Americans have witnessed since Benedict Arnold. And what does he do at Ohio State? He beat Alabama. The audacity of that man.
The Fans
Then there are the fans. You can’t walk around Hilton Head, or Charleston, or especially Myrtle Beach for ten minutes and not hear a Buckeye fan yell “O-H” only to be answered by an equally obnoxious Buckeye fan with an “I-O.”
I’m not an anti-Northern infiltration of Southern beaches kind of guy, like some people are. I mean the same spirit of that would be New Yorkers getting mad at Southerners for touring the Big Apple. I’ve never heard of a New Yorker throwing a sticker on the back of their car that read “thanks for visiting, now get out.” I am, however, anti-Northern infiltration of Southern beaches when it comes to annoying Ohio State fans.
There are just as many Penn State, Notre Dame, and Michigan fans at these places, but you don’t hear them yelling “Go Blue” or “Here Come The Irish” 24 hours of the day. Calm down Ohio State fans, we get it, you’re Buckeyes.
