Midterm Grades in the SEC

by Brendan Paschal

Besides final exams, midterms are the absolute worst. There is always at least one professor who realizes that she or he has yet to give an actual test the entire semester, and jams two months of work in two days. This is the point in the semester where you contemplate whether majoring in biology and taking eighteen hours was a good idea. (For the record, neither of the Front Porch Football brothers were ever that ambitious, we’re just speaking hypothetically here.) Then your parents call you wondering why you have a 67 in Art History because you couldn’t remember the difference between Heinrich Wölfflin and  Frida Schottmuller.

Well, I’m not one of those professors. This is the school of SEC Football, and Front Porch Football is dishing out tough, but fair, grades (we’ve all heard that one before — shout out to Dr. Alvis). Below I’ve given each team in the SEC a grade based solely on their performance this season. Therefore, while some might deserve a C based on their record, they might receive a higher (or lower) grade because they have played well. Don’t we all believe in partial credit anyways?

14. Arkansas

Record: 1-6 (0-4)

Grade: D-

The Razorbacks can be compared to that kid who was born in July, and instead of waiting an extra year for him to mature, his parents put him in Kindergarten. This kid is physically smaller, mentally slower, and can never seem to catch up. It’s not the kid’s fault – all he needs is time to mature.

Sometime you need to take a step back before leaping forward. Image from Arkansas Times.

All Arkansas needs is time. Chad Morris was handed one of the toughest situations in the SEC. While the program didn’t look like the dumpster fire Tennessee or Florida faced, they are stuck in the toughest division in the toughest conference. Also, Bret Bielema was pulling in mediocre recruiting classes at best. And mediocracy doesn’t fly in the SEC West. The only reason Arkansas doesn’t have an F is because they’re showing improvement. When they faced Alabama they scored 31 points, which is the most this Alabama defense has allowed all season. Further, Chad Morris is absolutely killing it on the recruiting path.

13. Auburn

Record: 4-3 (1-3)

Grade: D

Somehow it is easier for your grade to go down than up. This is the case for Auburn. After starting off the season with a huge win against Washington, the Tigers drove off a cliff. Chris wrote a piece on why they have struggled this year, so luckily I don’t have to.

Big Kat Bryant is one of the best defenders on this team. Image from 247 Sports.

T-11. Vanderbilt

Record: 3-4 (0-3)

Grade: C-

Remember in math class when you knew how to solve the equation, correctly laid out all your work, yet when it came to write the final answer you somehow had a brain aneurysm and put -1.87 when the answer was 75? That’s exactly how Vanderbilt’s season is going so far. They blew an opportunity to beat Notre Dame, collapsed against South Carolina, and practically laid down against Florida in the second half. This is to be expected when your opponent has superior athletes. A team like Florida can make big-time plays and come back quickly. Vanderbilt has to be nearly perfect in execution with minimum mistakes because they are already at a disadvantage. They did the work and they have the effort, just not the finishing touches. As the saying goes, “close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.”

Ke’Shawn Vaughn is averaging 6.9 yards per carry. Image from 247 Sports.

T-11. Missouri 

Record: 3-3 (0-3)

Grade: C-

Missouri is the kid who does all the homework, does well on the pop quizzes, participates in class, and then BOMBS the test. Missouri uses the excuse of “I don’t test well,” but the truth is they didn’t study. Sure, they played Georgia and Alabama with a trip to South Carolina sandwiched in there. But after starting the season 3-0, they have yet to win a conference game. And in reality, they have not looked good against SEC opponents. Drew Lock doesn’t seem to be the “Messiah of Missouri” as some people expected this offseason, and his draft stock is sinking lower and lower each game. But there’s still hope for this season. The toughest part of their schedule is behind them, so they can get that grade up. Nothing like a little break to rejuvenate a team and get their rhythm back.

Key receiver, Emanuel Hall, is expected to return soon. Image from The Kansas City Star.

T-9. Ole Miss

Record: 5-2 (1-2)

Grade: C

Ole Miss is the bright student who can’t stop smoking the devil’s lettuce. They get away with playing inferior opponents and put up big time numbers against them. But once they face adversity, the Rebs realize that they don’t want to live up to a challenge and would rather lay an egg. When facing their lesser opponents they average 53.6 points per game. But in their two losses to LSU and Alabama they only average 11.5. Someone forgot to tell Matt Luke this isn’t the Big 12. That being said, 5-2 is a solid start for a program that has been on the rocks lately. What we initially thought was going to be a slow, painful death for Ole Miss might actually be a slow, painful rebuild. While they might feel the same for the most part, the difference is Arkansas. If this program was giving up, they would have rolled over when up against it last weekend in Little Rock.

The “Nasty WideOuts” lost DK Metcalf for the rest of the season. Image from Ole Miss Athletics.

T-9. South Carolina 

Record: 3-3 (2-3)

Grade: C

Unlike Missouri, South Carolina is the kid who never turns in homework, sleeps during class, and the teacher hates. Yet, somehow pulls a decent grade out of his ass during the test. Besides the horrific loss to Georgia, the Gamecocks have consistently shot themselves in the foot this season. Poor passing, even worse catching, and the inordinate number of turnovers — that’s been the name of the game for the Gamecocks. If South Carolina played the first half of games like they do in the second half of games, this could be a one-loss team, not three. That being said, this is not the time for Gamecock fans to panic. Stop listening to the idiots that call into local radio Gamecock fans, some (not all) of them are just agitators. Read this post done by Chris for a more level headed, measured approach. 

Known for his “hands” Shi Smith dropped three passes against Texas A&M. Image from 247 Sports.

8. Tennessee 

Record: 3-3 (1-2)

Grade: C+

The Vols are that student who currently sits at a 79.6, and it doesn’t matter how hard they worked or all the obstacles they overcame. IF MY PROFESSOR DIDN’T ROUND MY GRADE UP, THEN NEITHER DO I. Under a new coach and trying to bounce back from one of the most insane off-seasons college football has ever experienced, Tennessee fans should be thrilled with their current results. All three losses were to highly ranked opponents, and they beat Auburn. Furthermore, Tennessee’s defense only improves every game. They are starting to perform like an SEC-caliber team again. And the recruiting train continues to pick up steam. Don’t look now, but if they beat Charlotte and Vandy, all the Vols need is just one more upset and these boys are bowling.

Daniel Bituli currently leads the team in tackles. Image from Tennessee Athletics.

7. Mississippi State

Record: 4-2 (1-2)

Grade: B-

Mississippi State has received the benefit of playing only one opponent in their division. This is a classic case of a professor who does not assign much work until the second half of the semester and just throws every test, paper, and project at the last possible minute. They have looked good thus far, but don’t be surprised if they get rocked the next couple of weeks against Texas A&M and LSU. This passing offense needs to step up to give the rushing attack some balance. The Bulldogs can’t expect this defense to win every game for them.

Montez Sweat sits at number two in the nation with 7.5 sacks. Image from Daily Journal.

5. Texas A&M

Record: 5-2 (3-1)

Grade: B

The Aggies have only lost to Alabama and Clemson, which is respectable. Yet, once you look at their wins, more importantly how they won, and it leaves you wondering how they’re 5-2. Texas A&M is that kid who argues with the teacher when they took off points for not showing his work saying, “but the answer is right,” no matter what the teacher says. The last three wins, Arkansas (24-17), Kentucky (20-14), and South Carolina (26-23), were all close games. Sooner or later it’s gonna catch up to the Aggies. But Jimbo has this thing pointed in the right direction. He is hauling in one of the best recruiting classes not only in the SEC but the nation. Further, he is implementing a system based on time of possession. The defense is averaging about 20 few plays per game.  

At 5-9 weighing 200 lbs, Trayveon Williams is a bruiser with some speed. Image from USA Today.

4. Kentucky

Record: 5-1 (3-1)

Grade: B+

Kentucky is a student who is not a natural born learner. In fact, they can be compared to a student with a learning disability. Nothing is easy for Kentucky. Winning in the SEC with a majority of 3-Star athletes is next to impossible. But like that student who pours in hours of work and finds the formula that he best thrives in, Kentucky has found their stride. I’ve got nothing but respect for this Kentucky team. Constantly counted out. Nobody thought Kentucky would be ranked at this point in the season. Or only have one loss. They keep proving people wrong. This team is built on veteran leaders. With Georgia losing to LSU, the East is wide open, and with Kentucky holding the Florida tie breaker, the Georgia-Kentucky game may decide it all.

CJ Conrad is not only a big target but a reliable one too. Image from Courier-Journal.

T-3. Georgia

Record: 6-1 (4-1)

Grade: A-

Sometimes you do everything right, but you forget to turn in that one pesky little assignment. That late grade turns from a B to a C all the way to a flat 50 before you turn it in. Sure, you’ve busted your tail in everything else but that one little, tiny assignment cost you a perfect GPA. LSU is Georgia’s late assignment. They have handled every other team with ease. But they forgot to handle the Bayou Bengals. And here they sit with what some might call a “disappointing A-“….Nobody likes a whiner.  The loss to LSU does not change anything for the Dawgs. They can still win the East, the SEC, and compete for a National Title. That being said, the margin for error just got tighter. The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party just got very interesting.

Elijah Holyfield is making a name for himself. Image from Georgia Athletics.

T-3. Florida

Record: 6-1 (4-1)

Grade: A-

This is a rollercoaster of a student. Somebody who either gets 100% on their test or a 75%. Nothing in between. Luckily for Florida they proved themselves in their biggest test of the year against LSU, after choking against Kentucky. A week after preparing for that test they almost choked against Vanderbilt, but after taking the entire class period to finish a simple quiz that everyone else finished in 20 minutes, they proved they still got it. Nothing wrong with that. Much needed bye week for the Gators before facing two opponents (Georgia and South Carolina) that could either make this Florida team a Playoff Contender or a mid-tier bowl participant. Either way, successful start to the Dan Mullen era.

Cece Jefferson requires most offenses to double team him at all times. Image from USA Today.

2. LSU

Record: 6-1 (3-1)

Grade: A

LSU is that student who nobody expects to be smart. They talk funny (literally), they’re rough around the edges, and they don’t fit the standard for a successful student. But by golly, if they aren’t one of the best teams in the nation, then I’m not balding. I love the fact that LSU is doing well. That Coach O is having success. And there might be some competition in the SEC West. They keep their head down, and let their wins talk for themselves. The speed on this defense. It’s literally the fastest team in the country. Florida is fast. Alabama is fast. Clemson is fast. LSU is the fastest and they are stymieing opposing teams.

Joe Burrow is becoming a cult hero in Baton Rouge. Image from LSU Athletics.

1. Alabama

Record: 7-0 (4-0)

Grade: A+

Nobody likes this type of student. Flawless is the word that comes to mind. This student is able to magically manage perfect grades, more extra curricular activities than anyone else, a social life, and somehow get eight hours of sleep every night. Alabama is the only student who is excited to get their test back. They are also the kind of student that looks around the classroom with disappointment when the professor announces that the highest grade was an A, the lowest was an F, and the class average was a 63. Then, after class, Alabama is the type of student to ask you what grade you got on the test. When you say you got a 12 they then smugly look at you and promptly tell you how “they are mad that they only got a 99 because they foolishly forgot an electron in their molecular diagram.” SCREW YOU BAMA! They are definitely that student you have resisted to punch square in the face. That being said, Tua looks to be nursing a sprained knee. Does he not start against Tennessee? Do the Vols have a chance? Haha, sorry, sometimes I like talking a little crazy.

True freshman, Jaylen Waddle, currently has 11 punt returns for 200 yards and a TD. Image from Alabama Athletics.