Fits Like A Glove

by Brendan Paschal

Technology has indirectly ruined college football. You’ve heard it all before, “Millennials” and “instant gratification”, or better yet, “it’s my money and I need it NOW.” Instead, college football fans are saying, “it’s my favorite team, and I need a national championship NOW.” But like most good things, winning comes with time. The Marshmallow Test is a perfect example.

In this psychological experiment, kids are in an isolated room with a single marshmallow. The children are the told they can either enjoy the ‘mallow now, or wait. If they wait to eat the fluff, they will receive a second marshmallow. The reactions are hilarious.

Now, let’s replace marshmallow with a 10+ winning season and replace the children with grown ass men. It is guaranteed most college football fans would go through an even greater struggle. For some unbeknownst reason college football fans cannot seem to comprehend the idea that building a winning program takes time.

The Right Fit

Sometimes coaches just aren’t the right fit. FSU fans will be the first to tell you that Willie Taggart is definitely not the answer. And while I’m normally not one to jump the gun after one season, I have to agree. Taggart has to go.

Coaching jobs in the SEC seem to have stabilized…for now. Five head coaches debuted with their new teams in 2018, while five others completed either their second or their third year in their respective positions. Although it is certainly too early to tell how some jobs will pan out, we can look to see if they are a right fit for their schools.

Jeremy Pruitt – Tennessee

Hired: 2018 Record: 5-7 Fit: A-

Jeremy Pruitt’s ability to restore order from chaos might be his biggest accomplishment, yet. Yes, it started with Phil Fulmer taking charge in the Athletic Department, but Pruitt took over the locker room. Players can tell when there are issues amongst their coaches, staff members, and administrators. If they see their leaders disrespecting each other, they mimic that behavior. By the end of his tenure, nobody in the state of Tennessee respected Butch Jones. Pruitt came in and immediately changed that culture. Furthermore, he is exactly who you think he is. Pruitt is the same man in front of parents as he is in a locker room. Tennessee fans respect that. With order restored, Pruitt can now look to rebuild. This will take time, but with the rich tradition and excellent reputation, Pruitt can be the man to put Rocky back on Top.

Gus Malzahn – Auburn

Hired: 2013 Record: 53-27 Fit: C+

Gus Malzahn’s relationship with the Auburn community can be compared to a struggling marriage. The honeymoon phase is definitely over. Neither side is truly happy. But neither will leave. Because, like most divorces, this separation would break the bank. At the end of the honeymoon phase in December of 2017, Malzahn received a seven year contract extension worth $49 million. If Auburn were to fire Malzahn now, they would need to shell out approximately $30 million. Auburn recently finished paying off Gene Chizik’s buyout. Malzahn ain’t going anywhere.

But there is hope, Auburn fans. Prior to the Music City Bowl Game, Gus Malzahn announced he would take back the reins as offensive play caller for not only the bowl game, but the entire 2019 season, as well. After an entire season of horrible offensive production (11th in the SEC) Auburn went and put up 63 against Purdue. It seems like the biggest issue with this relationship was Malzahn being too distant. With Malzahn going back to his roots – and the whole reason Auburn fans fell in love with him in the first place – this has the potential to be a better love story than the Notebook.

Alabama – Nick Saban

Hired: 2007 Record: 141-21 Fit: A+++++++

I just threw up a bit in my mouth…

Matt Luke – Ole Miss

Hired: ~2017 Record: 11-13 Fit: D+

The classic “it’s not you, it’s me” routine. Matt Luke is a fine coach, but he is not going to bring Ole Miss back to its former glory. It’s not his fault. When Luke accepted the position as head coach he also accepted all the baggage. In those bags were some hefty sanctions. Luke will have several more years of mediocracy, and maybe a stellar season sprinkled in there, but he will eventually become the scapegoat for the Rebs.

Derek Mason – Vanderbilt

Hired: 2014 Record: 24-38 Fit: A

Derek Mason reminds me of Captain America before the shield. Like when he was just Steve Rogers, a scrawny kid from Brooklyn who didn’t know when to give up. Mason is at the most academically prestigious school in the SEC, (sorry Bama). Vanderbilt’s administration, athletic department, and Board of Trustees, are not sacrificing their academic integrity for a winning football program. Mason knows this. The fans know this. People in Scandinavia know this. Mason has the smartest team in the SEC, and that’s about it. But, that doesn’t stop him from going out there week in and week out with the same amount of confidence, nay, swagger as any other coach. In fact, where Vanderbilt lacks in talent they exude in attitude.

In summary: I love Derek Mason, and if Vanderbilt ever fires him I will drive to Nashville, TN and raise absolute hell. #AnchorDown #LetsRide

Barry Odom – Missouri

Hired: 2016 Record: 19-19 Fit: D-

Barry Odom fits at Missouri almost as well as Missouri fits in the SEC. But right when you think they’re about to bottom out, they pull something out of their ass, only to tank again. For example, Mizzou lost four year starting quarterback, Drew Lock. The QB position could be an issue. So Odom goes and gets Kelly Bryant. Right when things look good, Missouri gets hit with a Bowl ban because their players can’t seem to be bothered to do an online classes.

Furthermore, Odom isn’t that good of a recruiter. Sure, it’s tough to recruit out of the state of Missouri. But that’s no excuse. Chad Morris has it way harder in Arkansas and is managing to out recruit you, Barry.

Chad Morris – Arkansas

Hired: 2018 Record: 2-10 Fit: B+

Sure, they were by far the worst team in the SEC last season. And yes, this was the first ten-loss season in Razorbacks history. But the 2018 season was a long time coming. Mainly because of poor recruiting from Bret Bielema’s last couple years. But Morris is doing something Bielema could not. He’s going to Texas and pulling studs. He knows the state of Texas. Prior to his college career, Morris coached for 16 seasons at five different high schools in the Lonestar state. During that time he achieved a record of 169-38. The dude knows Texas, and more importantly, Texas knows him. Give him time, Razorback fans.

Dan Mullen – Florida

Hired: 2018 Record: 10-3 Fit: B+

Dan Mullen will consistently win. But will that be enough? For a program like Florida, it’s Championship or Bust. And that’s pretty dang hard to do at the moment. With Georgia in the East, Bama in the West, Clemson up North, and 2017 National Champs UCF to the South, the Gators are surrounded by Championship caliber teams. If Mullen is to survive as a head coach, Florida fans are going to have to learn something new…patience. He’s a great coach and a good fit.

Kirby Smart – Georgia

Hired: 2016 Record: 32-10 Fit: A-

This is the only fanbase that has less patience than Florida. Georgia is one of a handful of programs that would have fired Mark Richt after 15 quality years. The Georgia faithful are still starving for a National Championship. It doesn’t help that Smart has fallen just short two years in a row. Alabama stole the National Championship title right from under them in 2017. And then the CFP Committee denied them a playoff berth in 2018.

After looking to be the missing piece to the puzzle, Kirby Smart just needs to find the Holy Grail to solidify his legacy in Athens, GA.

Mark Stoops – Kentucky

Hired: 2012 Record: 36-39 Fit: A-

Mark Stoops has figured out his niche. Find the guys getting overlooked by other schools and fight like hell to get them. While some schools put in minimal effort to recruit a couple of three stars, Stoops puts in the effort. Once the recruits arrive, coach them up like hell. He has a luxury that many SEC coaches don’t. His players tend to stay all four years. Benny Snell Jr. was a 3-Star recruit with only eight offers from middle-tier programs. Yet, he turned into defenses worst nightmare. Stoops saw past Snell’s low profile.

Mark Stoops is the longest tenured coach in the SEC East, and they cashed in from other schools rebuilding last season and Louisville being in complete and utter shambles. Now, Stoops needs to continue to grow and keep getting more four stars and eventually five star recruits.

Joe Moorhead – Mississippi St.

Hired: 2018 Record: 8-5 Fit: A-

Losing Dan Mullen hurt. He had become somewhat of a legend in “StarkVegas.” But Joe Moorhead was the perfect hire. The Bulldogs needed an offensive mindset to replace Mullen, so they went for the RPO Jedi Master. Nobody has more of an offensive mindset than someone who creates an original offense. All he needs is a couple of years to get an offense to fully understand the ebbs and flows of the Run-Pass Option. Plus the man loves him some fried catfish, which is a must to fit in anywhere in Mississippi.

Will Muschamp – South Carolina

Hired: 2016 Record: 22-17 Fit: A

Will Muschamp does not get enough credit. Spurrier retiring mid-season in 2015 after going 0-4 in SEC play brought forth numerous consequences. The few players Spurrier was recruiting decided to drop, and Muschamp had to practically start from scratch. It is difficult to recruit well when you share the state with Clemson, and then across the state line is the University of Georgia.

Carolina fans are often quick to criticize and slow to praise. But Muschamp is doing it right. He just has to face Florida, Georgia, and Clemson every year. 2019 doesn’t look too promising either with Bama joining in on the action. Since his arrival, Muschamp has had to fight an uphill battle. But he keeps adding talent one position at a time. My brother, Chris says 2020 is the year to judge Muschamp, and I agree. Keep recruiting, keep coaching, and Muschamp will rule Columbia, SC.

Jimbo Fisher – Texas A&M

Hired: 2018 Record: 9-4 Fit: B-

Nothing really fires me up about Jimbo Fisher. I get it – he is successful at his job no matter where he goes. His name alone will recruit well, and I think he will win while at College Station, TX. But I don’t seem him replicating the same success he had while in Tallahassee, FL.

Ed Orgeron – LSU

Hired: 2016 Record: 25-9 Fit: A+

Ed Orgeron fits with LSU as good as peanut butter & jelly, Robert Kraft and massages (too soon?), rest and relaxation, surf and turf, etc. The man is as Bayou as it gets. Orgeron is Louisiana and Louisiana is Orgeron. He’s got the winning mindset, the coaching skills, plus the respect of his peers and players. Nobody is a bigger advocate of the LSU Tigers than Ed Orgeron, and when your football coach loves the university and wins, well, you got yourself a beautiful relationship. “Geaux Tiguhs!” – Ed Orgeron, somewhere.