Each SEC School as a Halloween Candy

From one half of the creators of “Each SEC School as a Halloween Character,” we bring you “Each SEC School as a Halloween Candy.” AT and Pat round out spooky season by eliciting where each SEC School would stand against pint-sized trick-or-treaters.

Alabama: Hershey Bar – Picture this: you ring the doorbell. The door opens. Nick Saban is in the doorway offering you FULL SIZED, classic, beautiful Hershey bars. That’s what we imagine it’s like being an Alabama fan every weekend.

Arkansas: An apple – Try again next year, kid.

Auburn: M&M – There is nothing wrong with M&Ms–they just aren’t good enough.

Florida: Nerds – Tell us this—when was the last time you craved Nerds? Granted, when Nerds were in demand, they were top of the line, but those days are long past.

Georgia: KitKat – Now a Kit Kat is a solid candy bar, definitely top tier. However, now comes the debate—how do you eat your KitKat? Are you satisfied with breaking and eating one piece at a time, or do you manifest your destiny and take a chomp, disregarding all perforations and clearly defined segments? Something tells us Jake Fromm is a take-a-chomp kind of guy…

Kentucky: Peeps – Wait—do they even give these out on Halloween? Peeps are great around one time a year: typically in the spring around March. That sure does sound a lot like basketball season.

LSU: Reese’s – If you don’t like peanut butter, you simply do not care for Reese’s. However, if you like peanut butter, you love peanut butter, and you have no problem stuffing Reese’s in your mouth until you start sounding like Coach O. But in all seriousness, this is a powerhouse team, and Reese’s is a powerhouse candy.

Mississippi State: Almond Joy – We don’t personally enjoy them, but there have to be people out there, somewhere, in this great, big world, that do. And we’re willing to bet those people are the 25,352 citizens of Starkville, Mississippi.

Mizzou: Twizzlers – If you don’t get disappointed when your neighbor only has Twizzlers, you belong in the ACC.

Ole Miss: Skittles – Don’t get us wrong—we like Skittles. We’re not quite sure why? Maybe it’s because we confuse them for M&Ms. No, that’s not it. We don’t really know, but what we do know is they don’t even compete with the top tier candy bars.

South Carolina: Sour Patch Kids – When they’re sour, they’re really dang sour. And when they’re sweet, it really doesn’t last that long.

Texas A&M: Peanut M&Ms – Listen, M&Ms—solid. They’ve been around forever. Enter, Peanut M&Ms—just as adequate as original M&Ms, but with dat new new flava.

Tennessee: Whoppers – Honestly, even people who think they like Whoppers do not like Whoppers. It’s the candy you look at and feel obligated to eat. What’s stopping you? What do you have to lose? You already endured 4.5 years of Butch Jones.

Vanderbilt: Smarties – Very refined, satisfying and even intelligent for a candy, but there’s not much more to it than that. Unfortunately, they look like little Tums (ew) and have no flavor.

Honorable Mentions:

South Carolina: Butterfinger – This needs no explanation.

Alabama: All of the candy – Since they take all the candy from everyone anyway.

Ole Miss: 100 Grand Bar – Because that’s how much Hugh Freeze paid recruits—ZING.

Auburn: 100 Grand Bar – Because that’s how much they paid Cam Newton —DOUBLE ZING.

Georgia: PayDay – Todd Gurley’s favorite day of the week! Sign us up! Or just sign our footballs.

Texas A&M: Jolly Ranchers – 98% of their alumni

Mizzou: Banana-flavored Laffy Taffy – The candy you would trade for literally anything else

South Carolina: Life Saver – Shoutout to Parker White

AT and Pat love Halloween almost as much as AT loves special teams and Pat loves nearly injuring himself during a Sandstorm rave.