Auburn: America’s Toughest Head Coaching Job

by Chris Paschal

Gus Malzhan is basically half-fired right now. I know that doesn’t really make sense, but that’s the best way I can describe the current coaching situation on the Plains of Alabama.

He’s half-fired because he isn’t going to be given a fair shot this upcoming season.

No Grip on Reality

Being fair, having patience, and keeping a grip on reality aren’t possible anymore. Those things died when Nick Saban collided with flat screen TVs and loads of money. Saban’s Dynasty in Tuscaloosa coincided with the advent of every game being broadcasted nationally. Now, instead of just hearing about domination, the country was able to watch it. And while Alabama has morphed from a Southern power into a National superpower, and while the rest of the country hates Alabama, it’s still the SEC that feels it the worst. And nobody in the SEC feels it more than Auburn.

Obviously Auburn feels it the most because they are Alabama’s biggest rival, but the more accurate reason why Auburn feels it the most is because they know what it feels like to compete with Bama. LSU wants to beat Alabama in the worst way. You can’t have a single conversation with a LSU fan without beating Alabama being brought up. But if Ed Orgeron went 10-2 this season and lost to Bama, he’s sticking around for a while. Texas A&M understands that it may be a couple of more years before the Aggies are at full speed under Jimbo Fisher. Florida is more worried about Georgia. Georgia is arguably more worried about Florida. Tennessee just wants to start making bowl games. The East hasn’t beaten Alabama since 2010. LSU hasn’t beat Alabama since 2011.

Auburn beat Alabama in 2017.

One of the Best

During this time of Nick Saban domination, Auburn has won the SEC West three times. They have won a National Title. They almost won two National Titles. LSU, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, A&M, and other fan bases (and boosters) may say, “you better beat Nick Saban, or else,” but they don’t really mean it. Auburn fans and Auburn boosters and Auburn board members actually freaking mean it. And they almost showed just how serious they mean it last season. Pegged as one of the best teams in the country by almost every pundit last season, Auburn floundered out of the gate and quickly dropped out of the top 10, and then the top 25 by season’s end.

Half (maybe more) of the Auburn fanbase called for Malzhan’s head. The big-time boosters, donors, and board members were furious. The Tigers were a year removed from an appearance in the SEC Title Game, a ten-win season, and a massive contract extension for Malzhan, and this is what he follows that up with?

Tough Expectations

It comes down to this. An 8-4, probably even a 9-3, record, and Gus is gone. The Tigers aren’t keeping Gus around to beat Alabama every now and then, even if that is better than everyone else in the SEC. The Tigers are only keeping Gus around if he is competing for SEC Titles and just as importantly, beating Bama, and the Auburn faithful really don’t care how ridiculous that sounds.

That’s what makes Auburn the toughest job in the country.

Realistic Auburn fans and alumni probably secretly acknowledge that Alabama cannot be taken down until Saban leaves. Even more realistic fans probably recognize that trying to stay within reaching distance of Georgia is more important. And even more realistic fans probably understand that the Dawgs have surpassed Auburn, and that the biggest threat to Auburn’s relevance in the SEC West are the LSU Tigers and the Texas A&M Aggies.

Beating those two programs should be the top priority. Since A&M joined the SEC in 2012, Auburn hasn’t beaten both A&M and LSU in the same season. But nobody is talking about that, because the most delusional and power hungry Auburn fans are the ones calling the shots, and they don’t care about beating A&M. They care about beating Alabama. And they have already decided that if that doesn’t happen, it’s gonna take a lot for Malzhan to keep his job.

The truth is that Gus Malzhan is a great offensive playcaller, and the offense should receive a shot in the arm just by the mere fact that Malzhan is calling the plays. The offense returns it’s best running back from last year’s team, all five starting offensive linemen, some speed at receiver, and one of the baddest defensive lines in the entire country. Winning 8 or 9 games should be doable. And if Auburn won 8 or 9 games, with a tough schedule, and a new quarterback, the future would be bright for 2020.

Except for the fact that Auburn will have a new coach.

This season has to be a ten win season for Malzhan. A lot of analysts and pundits and commentators are hinting that a nine win season would be good enough. It won’t be. That fanbase wanted blood by the end of last season. Beating Oregon and winning five games in the SEC West probably wont quench that thirst.

If Auburn drops a single game before November 16, which they will, then Gus needs to finish the season 2-1. That means beating either Georgia or Alabama. Welcome to the SEC, ladies and gentlemen. Or more specifically, welcome to “The Loveliest Village on the Plains – Auburn, Alabama.”