by Brendan Paschal

We can all agree that the SEC has the best fans in the country. However, not all fans were created equal. For example, we all know Florida has some of the most passionate fans in college football. On the other hand, we also know the last time Vanderbilt got excited over anything athletic was when the Commodore’s Women’s Tennis Team defied all odds and accomplished something that didn’t involve 40 page thesis papers on the Periodic Table.

I broke down the grades into 5 different categories, and then calculated an overall GPA. These categories were fan loyalty, home field advantage, “travelability” – how well fans travel to away/neutral site games – tailgating, and overall football knowledge.

Oh, one more thing. If you don’t like where your team is ranked then invite me to your school and prove you deserve a higher GPA.  I am easily persuaded.

SEC Fan Bases Ranked

14. Missouri – Overall GPA: 0.0

Loyalty: F

Home Field Advantage: F

Travelability: F

Tailgating: F

Knowledge: F

I know I just said I’m easily persuaded. But not when it comes to Mizzou fans.

13. Vanderbilt – Overall GPA: 1.21

Loyalty: B+

Home Field Advantage: F

Travelability: F

Tailgating: C

Knowledge: D-

This is the worst report card anyone from Vanderbilt has ever received. The Commodores should reconsider changing their mascot to the Commodoormatts. They are the red-headed step-child of the SEC, and to be frank, nobody wants to go to games when there are more fans of the opposing team in the stands than your own. But maybe all that can change with the University announcing they will now be selling beer in the stadium. If any team gives its fans an excuse to drink it’s Vandy.

12. Mississippi State – Overall GPA: 2.56

Loyalty: B

Home Field Advantage: A-

Travelability: C-

Tailgating: C–

Knowledge: B-

The Bulldogs do some things well, but struggle in others. The biggest thing that holds them back is their tailgating, which is understandable. They are is Stark-freaking-villege, Mississippi. Calling it “Stark Vegas” doesn’t change anything. The Bulldogs don’t have a Grove to harbor their drunken shoeless fans either. I respect their excessive use of cowbells, however. While most fans hate it, I was convinced by fan, Andrew Miller, that they are actually pretty dang cool. 

11. Kentucky – Overall GPA: 3.02

Loyalty: A-

Home Field Advantage: B-

Travelability: B-

Tailgating: A-

Knowledge: C+

Like most non-Kentuckians I used to think of the Wildcats as a strictly a basketball school. However, if you dig deeper you find a solid football fan base. They have one of the coolest tailgating scenes in all of college football, and stick with their team through thick and thin. The biggest kick is that they are the northernmost school in the SEC, which makes traveling a pain. Also, before talking to any Kentucky fan you must clarify you’re talking football.

10. Ole Miss – Overall GPA: 3.26

Loyalty: B+

Home Field Advantage: B-

Travelability: B+

Tailgating: A

Knowledge: B

Ole Miss fans are pros at tailgating, which gives them a crisp A in this category. I have seen all Oxford has to offer, and was thoroughly impressed with the Grove. Yet, because they excel at eating, drinking, and partying under tents, the Rebs suffer in Home Field Advantage. Once fans run out of the liquor they smuggled into Vaught-Hemingway Stadium they are likely to bail on any team under any circumstance. Knowledge also could be higher, but most of them are too drunk to have a coherent conversation.

9. Florida – Overall GPA: 3.38

Loyalty: B+

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: B

Tailgating: B+

Knowledge: B+

Gator fans are legit. Opposing teams rue the day they have to play in the Swamp, where only Gators come out alive. Florida fans are great at watching a game, but only slightly above average in everything else. If you’re not a Gator, then you’re “Gator Bait”…. Or a Bulldog

8. Arkansas – Overall GPA: 3.4

Loyalty: A-

Home Field Advantage: B+

Travelability: B

Tailgating: B

Knowledge: A

All things considered Arkansas fans are some of the best. They have one of the most unique traditions out there by “Calling the Hogs”, and are infamous for bringing up their past history. They are so passionate about Razorback football that 90% of the fans in the stadium claim to have a cousin somewhere on the field… The other 10% are liars.

7. Texas A&M – Overall GPA: 3.46

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: B

Tailgating: B

Knowledge: B+

Aggie fans are dedicated from the first to last snap of every game. Home to the “12th Man” these fans get after it. Located in College Station, Texas prevents them from being able to escape their everyday lives to travel to even their closest SEC opponent in Baton Rouge, Louisiana – which is five and a half hours away (four if my father is driving). Ain’t nobody got time for that.

6. South Carolina – Overall GPA: 3.54

Loyalty: B+

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: A-

Tailgating: A-

Knowledge: B

Columbia is a unique place on Saturdays during the fall. One of the loudest stadiums in the SEC Gamecock fans live by the motto, “if it ain’t swayin’, we ain’t playin'”. An electric atmosphere, the university has sold out every home game since Adam started slinging the ole pigskin around with Cain and Abel. Despite selling out, fans have been known to bail if either team gets a two possession lead. Also, the average fan doesn’t know much about Gamecock football B.S. (Before Spurrier).

5. Auburn – Overall GPA: 3.6

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: B

Tailgating: A-

Knowledge: B+

Nothing gets an Auburn fan more fired up than the words “War” and “Eagle”. Fear strikes the heart of their opponents right before opening kickoff. There is a minute number of schools as loyal as Auburn, especially because they have remained true to their school after decades of playing second fiddle to Alabama.

4. Georgia – Overall GPA: 3.68

Loyalty: A-

Home Field Advantage: A-

Travelability: A

Tailgating: A-

Knowledge: B+

Dawg fans know how to do it. They are top tier with Gameday experience and are able to have a strong presence at almost every away game. They travel to Columbia, arrive Knoxville, and show up every year in Jacksonville for the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party. Although their tailgating is extremely fun with top of the line entertainment and class, it is dispersed throughout the vast campus. They were originally ranked higher on my list, however, I can’t get this daggum song out of my head.

3. Tennessee – Overall GPA: 3.74

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: B+

Travelability: A-

Tailgating: A-

Knowledge: A

If I had a nickel for every time I heard a Vols fan say “this is our year” I could buy the entire state of Tennessee. They believe in their program more than the Catholics believe in the Pope. Vols fans are so committed to their team that they abused former AD, John Currie, and got him to leave after only one year on the job.

The only team in the SEC where it’s quicker to arrive to the stadium by boat than car. Yet, Neyland Stadium has been taken over at times, which gives them a disappointing B+ for Home Field Advantage.

2. LSU – Overal GPA: 3.88

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: A-

Tailgating: A

Knowledge: A-

Whether it’s from the Louisiana heat or their burning passion for their team, LSU fans lose their mind. Players and coaches alike have been known to develop PTSD after playing in Death Valley. No team is safe. The fans have been known to cause earthquakes.

Even their tailgating is crazy, infusing cajun cooking with their extravagant libations. LSU fans are passionate and dedicated. However, they fall just a hair short of Alabama.

1. Alabama – Overall GPA: 3.96

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: A

Tailgating: A

Knowledge: A-

You may disagree with me where schools fell on this list, but there is no denying that Alabama is King. For Tide fans college football is not something they enjoy on a Saturday afternoon or a mere interest in the Fall. It is a lifestyle. There are people who did not attend the University, or any University for that matter, yet they spend most of their yearly salary on tickets. Most say that is fiscally irresponsible, since they could’ve used that money towards buying a trailer with an actual bathroom. Alabama fans have been known to go to the extremes and purchase season tickets for their opponents. In 2010, Bama fans bought season tickets for Duke football to ensure they would get a seat in Wallace Wade Stadium. They weren’t concerned about the Duke fans scooping up all the tickets. Rather, they were worried about losing spots to other Alabama fans!

There is no other program in this nation’s history where every single fan stays until the bitter end, even if they are up by 60, simply to inform their opponent that they did for a fact, “beat the hell out of you”.  

Fathers will disown their child if his or her first words aren’t “Roll” or “Tide”. Their knowledge would be a solid A if it weren’t for the ignorant fans who call into Paul Finebaum….oh and Harvey Updyke.

Outside the SEC

Few schools can hold a light to those in the SEC. However, these three are right up there with the best of the best.

3. Clemson – Overall GPA: 3.68

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: A

Tailgating: B-

Knowledge: B+

That’s right. Clemson fans have the loyalty of Alabama fans and are just as, if not more, psychotic than LSU fans. They’re the type of fans that would drop their pregnant wife off the hospital and race to Memorial Stadium for opening kickoff. Or better yet, bring her to the game because she doesn’t want to miss the game either. I have never seen a more dedicated, loyal, and obnoxious fan base than Clemson’s.

However, their tailgating and knowledge drop their GPA down. Although they have a beautiful campus and plenty of places to tailgate it’s too spread out. You could have a friend two miles across campus and another two miles the opposite way. I want to spend my Saturday full of fellowship not steps. Don’t get me wrong, most Clemson fans I know are knowledgeable, but when you start winning National Championships the idiots come out of the woodworks. They start jumping on twitter, yelling at you in the grocery store, and naming their daughters Dabo. They don’t know much about football except their team is good.

If you have to guess if someone is a Clemson fan then they aren’t. You can’t hold a two minute conversation with a Tiger fan without them mentioning, how Dabo Swinney practically walks on water or how superior they are compared to South Carolina. Clemson fans are obviously dedicated to their team. I mean who in their right mind would wear that ugly shade of orange every Saturday?

2. Nebraska – Overall GPA: 3.8

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: A-

Travelability: A

Tailgating: B+

Knowledge: A

The Cornhuskers know their football. I mean what else do they have to look forward to in Lincoln, Nebraska. These fans are known to recognize greatness and have fantastic football, as well. Nebraska fans treat you with hospitality when you arrive in Lincoln, and in some instance, have applauded opposing teams running off the field after an epic hard-fought win. Real recognizes real.

1. Penn State – Overall GPA: 3.88

Loyalty: A

Home Field Advantage: A

Travelability: A-

Tailgating: A-

Knowledge: A

Nothing proves the greatness of a school’s fan base more than following an earth shattering scandal. After all the wrongs that happened with then program it would have been understandable for fans to turn their backs on Penn State. Everything they believed in and knew as truth was turned upside down. In a football sense it would have been hard to see Penn State every fully recover from this. Then may win games and maybe the Big 10, but their reputation and image was tarnished by the vices of one man and the negligence of others.

Yet, the fans did not abandon Penn State. On Saturdays in the fall thousands of people from Altoona, Erie, Scranton, and other towns throughout Pennsylvania drive to State College dressed in blue and white. In fact, the chant “We Are. Penn State.” rings louder and louder each year. Nittany Lion fans remind their opponents that they one of the best fan bases in the nation.